Manhã ensolarada de domingo. É o meu aniversário. Comemoro mais um ano de vida e ao mesmo tempo estou reclusa neste chalé, onde busco entender o falecimento precoce do meu casamento de apenas três anos de existência.
Neste chalé à beira da estrada, sintetizo a minha vida. Não estou na cidade e nem no campo; não cheguei aos cinquenta e nem estou no início dos quarenta anos; não sou mais casada, pois, me encontro sozinha, porém, não estou solteira porque continuo presa a papéis e presenças…
Então, esse ser caótico me alucina. Estarei mesmo sozinha ou fantasmas me rodeiam iludindo-me de presenças?
Mas, hoje é domingo. Ensolarado domingo do meu aniversário.
Amanheceu e abro a porta para dar bom-dia à vida, quando, no chão, à frente dos meus pés, eis que vejo um passarinho. Olhos fechados, sem voar. Constato: está morto. Abaixo-me e ergo o seu frágil corpo. Cabecinha baixa, encostando o bico no corpo, olhinhos fechados… Contemplo o pássaro. O que o fez cair sob a minha porta? Tantos chalés ao meu redor… Por que cair justamente “aos meus pés”?
Busco em seu corpo marcas que lhe causaram a morte e não acho nada, aparentemente nada. Então… como, por quê?
Retrato-me no pássaro. Na dúvida sobre o fim do meu casamento, agora confirmo o seu final. As marcas aparentes não existem, as feridas estão dentro, na alma. Acabou, está morto. Mas a expressão serena do passarinho me conforta. A cabeça voltada para o peito e o bico fechado lhe dá a tranquilidade da eterna partida, do voo sem volta, e me induz a voltar-me para dentro de mim, em silêncio, em atitude de reconstrução da minha vida.
Abro a porta para a vida: é o meu aniversário. Devo alçar voo, buscar o infinito, tal qual uma gaivota: superar limites. O pássaro me diz isto: morreu novo o relacionamento, mas, é preciso, quando a vida se renova, libertar-me e buscar as alturas. Dar asas ao infinito e libertar-me de tudo que até hoje me escravizou. Diminuir a distância entre mim e mim. Fundir-me na minha essência e tornar-me única para mim. Sem máscaras, sem máculas.
Sou pássaro liberto do cativeiro de se doar, para livre o espaço explorar.
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