Era a primeira vez que resolvi visitá-los depois que eles partiram. Aos oitenta e três anos de vida, eu já tinha lucrado dois anos, após ter sido diagnosticada com um câncer, me submetido à cirurgia e ficado em coma por quinze dias. Desenganada pelos médicos, devido à doença e à idade avançadas, soube que tive os parentes ao meu lado para se despedirem de mim. Porém, a minha vontade de viver e a crença em que eu sairia dessa, surpreenderam os médicos, depois de eu ter passado pelas três alas do CTI. Na primeira, em recuperação após a cirurgia; na segunda, por ter piorado o meu estado, e, na terceira, por ter contraído pneumonia depois de entubada.
Quinze dias inconsciente, fui voltando aos poucos, deixando os médicos estupefatos.
Dez dias depois de ter deixado o hospital, onde fiquei durante um mês, comemorava os meus oitenta e um anos de vestido longo e salto alto. Nesses dois anos, fiz várias viagens e quase fui até a China. Quanto à doença, não mais se manifestou.
Por isso, hoje estou aqui. Livre de medos e daquela sensação ruim de que um dia terei de partir.
Trouxe muitas flores. Quero enfeitar um pouco a morada daqueles que lá estão.
Não sei o local exato, pergunto na portaria, citando o nome do meu pai, o primeiro. Informam-me que não consta nenhum registro nesse nome. Procuro manter a calma, afinal, de 1965 a 2009 já se passaram quarenta e quatro anos. Perguntam-me se não tem alguém com data mais atual. Lembro-me de minha irmã: 1976. Também não consta registro. Começo a ficar contrariada, agora, passaram-se trinta e três anos. Se não estão lá, aonde os levaram?
“Minha senhora, não tem alguém mais recente?”
Cito o meu irmão, na época com 79 anos. Faz cinco anos: 2004.
“Ah, sim! Está aqui.”
Entrega-me um pequeno papel com um número.
Tratando-se de eternidade, pensei que quanto mais a data ficasse antiga, mais certa seria a identificação. Engano. Modernizaram tudo. Hoje, o que conta é o atual, não existe espaço para o que vai se tornando antigo.
Em silêncio, vou andando. Carrego flores e estou feliz. Sei que o ambiente não combina com a minha felicidade, mas o tempo em sua marcha lenta e inexorável se encarrega das cicatrizes…
Encontro-me com outro irmão. Faremos a visita juntos.
Chegamos. Vejo cinco placas: meu pai, 1965; minha irmã, 1976; meu marido, 1991; meu irmão, 2004 e, por último, meu sobrinho-neto de apenas vinte e quatro dias de vida, 2008. Percebo, pelas idades dos que lá estão, que a lógica não existe: 92 anos, 46, 85, 79 e 24 dias de vida.
Minha sobrinha, depois, pergunta-me: “por que não citou o nome do seu marido?”
Voltei há mais de quarenta anos. Eu morava com a minha irmã caçula no apartamento vizinho a de um casal de idosos, ambos com sessenta anos. Tinham três filhas que moravam em outro estado. A mais velha das filhas, com quarenta anos, era da minha idade.
A mulher adoeceu e eu e minha irmã passamos a visitá-la durante a semana. Pouco tempo depois ela faleceu. Encontrei o viúvo na igreja para as missas de sétimo dia e um mês de falecimento. Depois, esporadicamente, no elevador. Ficou morando sozinho. Aos poucos, dividíamos os momentos de solidão: um jantar, cinema, porém, na amizade. O nosso casamento aconteceu um ano depois com o apoio das filhas, já que não moravam perto e não poderiam “tomar conta dele”. Casamo-nos no religioso apenas. Eu herdara a pensão do meu pai e a perderia se casasse no civil. Ele tinha as filhas e os netos para deixar uma “herança” no futuro.
Engravidei-me logo depois do casamento, afinal, com quarenta e um anos eu corria contra o tempo. A outra filha veio dois anos depois. Queria o terceiro, um menino, talvez. Não foi possível, eu já entrara na menopausa. Meu marido viveu mais vinte anos. Doente, desejava que a morte o levasse rápido e dizia aos parentes que “nem a morte me quer”, achando-se muito velho para tudo. Foi nas vésperas de morrer que me pediu para ser enterrado ao lado da minha irmã caçula que falecera aos quarenta e seis anos em 1976. Morrera solteira e ele a achava uma santa. Suplicou-me que não o enterrasse no jazigo da ex-mulher. Temia que ela viesse lhe tirar satisfação por ele ter se casado novamente. Cumpri a minha promessa. Observo as cinco placas e pergunto ao meu irmão: “quem será o próximo?”
Pensativo, ele me questiona: “quem pode saber?”
Uma borboleta sobrevoa o jazigo. De repente, pousa em meu ombro.
E, então, penso: “Será que vim visitar pela última vez minha morada definitiva?”
OBS: Este texto é em homenagem à minha tia Lygia Di Vannio Gomes que faleceu no dia 2/3/14. Foi escrito em 2009, lido por ela que achou graça, pois a presença da borboleta é ficção criada por mim, apesar de que, nesses cinco anos após escrevê-lo, ela foi a única da família a falecer, deixando três irmãos, respectivamente com as idades de: 88,86 e 83.
OBS: Este texto é em homenagem à minha tia Lygia Di Vannio Gomes que faleceu no dia 2/3/14. Foi escrito em 2009, lido por ela que achou graça, pois a presença da borboleta é ficção criada por mim, apesar de que, nesses cinco anos após escrevê-lo, ela foi a única da família a falecer, deixando três irmãos, respectivamente com as idades de: 88,86 e 83.
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