Mais uma cerveja _ pedi ao garçom. Hoje estou arrasada. Dói-me o coração, pesa-me a saudade, abrem-se as feridas causadas pela surra que a vida me dá. Quisera esquecer aquele dia. Aquele dia em que ele me deixou feito saco de lixo em porta de casa: empacotada e encharcada da chuva de lágrimas derramadas durante toda a noite. Partiu assim: sem mais nem menos. Invadiu a minha vida como o sol que desvirgina a madrugada, expulsa de uma só vez a escuridão e, ao mesmo tempo, a solidão, pois traz a alegria, e por si só já é companhia…Saiu assim, como entrou: sorrateiro. Antes, fez do meu corpo a sua morada e ergueu-me castelo do barraco que eu, outrora, era… Agora, após esse forte furacão, essa tempestade de areia que insiste em embaçar os meus olhos, eu me vejo desfazendo palácio. Sou rota, restinga, resto. Preciso me recompor, quebrar os “icebergs” que me impedem a invasão de mares, de ares… Necessito banhar-me dessa imensidão de água salgada para destilar a água e o sangue que me compõem. Este sangue que jorra raiva e ódio por me sentir amputada, tetraplégica em vontades e atitudes…
Mais uma cerveja, imploro novamente ao garçom, enquanto anseio sair desse marasmo, dessa não-vontade de mudar, mas ao mesmo tempo me libertar, soltar as amarras da tristeza de me sentir presa a mim mesma, aos meus pensamentos e a essa saudade que me dilacera aos poucos, feito urubu fazendo festa na carcaça do meu corpo…
Olho o relógio. A noite adentra a madrugada e eu estou só. Só, socada, seca de amor.
Levanto e me dirijo ao banheiro. Necessito me refazer. De frente para o vaso, a foto. A moça me ensina a usar o assento descartável. A bela moça: cabelos pretos e longos feitos os meus, olhos castanhos e pele morena clara como eu, olhar indígena igual ao meu, sorriso sincero e verdadeiro. Não é possível! Essa moça sou eu!
Aproximo-me do painel com a foto. Embora pequena, identifico-me. Sou eu mesma. Como foi possível? Alguém andou brincando comigo. Eu não fiz esta foto, mas a moça sou eu. Assento-me no vaso diante da foto e tento recuperar a lucidez um pouco prejudicada pelo álcool, porém, convenço-me de que não estou ébria. Estou sóbria. Preciso denunciar a fraude. Fui enganada. Não bastasse a felicidade que me bateu à porta e, depois que a deixei entrar, bateu a porta e se foi, agora a vergonha de ser reconhecida por todos em situação desastrosa, expondo o meu rosto em banheiros, onde o mais íntimo do ser humano desce esgoto abaixo… Rebaixada, foi como me senti. Abro a porta abruptamente e já saio dando escândalo:
_ Quero o gerente. Que me explique por que estou aqui. Preciso saber quem me trouxe…
_ Calma, calma… alguém me diz.
Calma que nada! Estou exposta, sangrando decepção, dilacerada e mutilada. Lá dentro, sorrindo uma felicidade inexistente… Quero o responsável pelo meu roubo. Roubaram minha identidade, minha felicidade. Sinto-me nua de mim mesma. É preciso que me expliquem como isso aconteceu…
Exijo uma resposta, quero um contato com o representante dos assentos descartáveis. Quero saber como vim parar aqui e em todos os lugares… De descartada, bastam-me as vezes em que fui desprezada… Quero ser original, única e altamente aproveitável pelo mundo.
Tentam me convencer de que não sou eu a moça do retrato no banheiro. Não aceito que me enganem. Conheço-me melhor do que eles. Sei que se trata de mim. Perco a paciência. Enfrento o banheiro, munida de papel e caneta, e anoto o telefone do fabricante. Exijo do bar o telefone, e após vários telefonemas e minhas exigências, aguardo pelo fax a identidade da moça do retrato.
Enquanto todos são esperas, eu sou certeza.
O telefone do fax toca. O barulho se inicia.
Defronte ao aparelho, porto-me fixa ao papel que se levanta à medida que a impressão se realiza.
Primeiramente, surge a foto e logo os dados: nome, data de nascimento, idade, naturalidade, filiação…
Fecho os olhos enquanto os outros olhos me fitam, e a cor vermelha inunda a minha face. A vergonha é amiga íntima.
Confirmo que não sou eu. Porém, posso dizer que agora tenho uma sósia, muito embora, ao retornar no outro dia, refeita, renascida, reconstituída, de barraco a casa decente, sem luxo, mas transparente, sóbria, com os olhos desembaçados e sobrevivida às últimas tempestades, certifico-me de que ainda não tenho sósia. Tudo não passou de uma tentativa de sobreviver, de não me permitir descer ao esgoto…
I need to to thank you for this very good read!! I absolutely enjoyed every little bit of it. I have got you book marked to check out new things you post…|
After I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on every time a comment is added I get four emails with the exact same comment. There has to be a way you can remove me from that service? Many thanks!|
Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely believe this amazing site needs a lot more attention. I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the advice!|
When some one searches for his essential thing, so he/she needs to be available that in detail, thus that thing is maintained over here.|
You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the greatest websites on the internet. I am going to recommend this site!|
Currently it appears like BlogEngine is the top blogging platform out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?|
This is a topic that is close to my heart… Many thanks! Where are your contact details though?|
I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your blogs really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back later on. All the best|
Thanks designed for sharing such a fastidious idea, post is good, thats why i have read it fully|
Spot on with this write-up, I truly feel this web site needs far more attention. I’ll probably be returning to read through more, thanks for the info!|
Excellent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a weblog web site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I have been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered shiny transparent idea|
Awesome! Its genuinely awesome article, I have got much clear idea regarding from this paragraph.|
I learned a lot from this.
I blog quite often and I truly thank you for your information. The article has really peaked my interest. I’m going to take a note of your blog and keep checking for new information about once per week. I subscribed to your RSS feed as well.|
Howdy! I simply would like to give you a huge thumbs up for your great information you’ve got right here on this post. I will be coming back to your website for more soon.|
Thanks for publishing. It’s excellent.
I particularly enjoyed the approach this was laid out.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments.
Article writing is also a excitement, if you be acquainted with afterward you can write if not it is complex to write.|
This write-up is excellent.
Hey would you mind stating which blog platform you’re working with? I’m going to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a hard time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique. P.S Apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!|
This piece is informative.
Would you be concerned about exchanging hyperlinks?
Hello friends, how is everything, and what you want to say concerning this paragraph, in my view its really awesome in favor of me.|
This piece is brilliant.
I’m grateful for the useful tips and tricks you offered.
Undeniably believe that which you stated. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the net the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people think about worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks
Thank you thank you for your time and effort this and publish this.
If you are going for finest contents like I do, just pay a visit this web page every day since it gives quality contents, thanks|
I am very grateful for your kindness.
I gained useful knowledge from this.
More articles like this would make the internet a better place.
Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article. I’ll be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I will certainly return.
You ought to be acknowledged for the kindness you’ve shown me.
That is a great tip particularly to those new to the blogosphere. Simple but very precise info… Appreciate your sharing this one. A must read post!|
I’d like to be able to share with you the joy I’m feeling at the moment.
Excellent blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own site soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you advise starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m totally overwhelmed .. Any recommendations? Cheers!|
Awesome article.|
This post is fantastic.
An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a co-worker who was conducting a little homework on this. And he actually ordered me dinner because I discovered it for him… lol. So let me reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time to talk about this subject here on your blog.|
I particularly appreciated the manner this was written.
Thanks for some other fantastic article. The place else may just anyone get that kind of information in such a perfect means of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I’m at the look for such info.|
Hey there! I understand this is kind of off-topic however I had to ask. Does building a well-established blog such as yours require a large amount of work? I am brand new to writing a blog but I do write in my journal every day. I’d like to start a blog so I will be able to share my personal experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any suggestions or tips for brand new aspiring blog owners. Thankyou!|
Great delivery. Sound arguments. Keep up the great effort.|
These are in fact great ideas in about blogging. You have touched some pleasant factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.|
It’s really very complex in this full of activity life to listen news on TV, so I simply use world wide web for that purpose, and get the latest information.|
I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was curious what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100 sure. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Appreciate it|
Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out much. I hope to give something back and aid others like you helped me.|
If some one needs expert view about blogging then i recommend him/her to pay a quick visit this weblog, Keep up the nice job.|
whoah this weblog is great i love reading your posts. Stay up the great work! You recognize, a lot of individuals are hunting around for this info, you could help them greatly. |