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Famine reviewed a famine on Yelp. Three stars: “Too gritty.”
Pestilence has 400 unread soul notifications.
They have a group therapist named Cheryl. She’s exhausted.
Death is now a consultant for passive-aggressive hauntings.
Armageddon was postponed due to “low morale among staff.”
Pestilence refuses to work unless there’s a candle lit.
Death sent a “Can we reschedule?” text and never followed up.
The Horses now run an Uber franchise in the astral plane.
At Santa Monica, shark tried to Venmo victim mid-bite.
Witness at Santa Monica: “The shark circled once, then asked for Wi-Fi.”
Ocean City shark tried to join beach volleyball. Was ejected for spiking.
At Malibu, shark was filming its TED Talk: The Power of Biting Intentionally.
Laguna Beach shark bit a GoPro, later uploaded footage to SharkTok.
At Cape Cod, shark mistook toe ring for wedding proposal.
Outer Banks shark fined for illegal splash zone entry.
At Venice Beach, a shark tried CrossFit. Bit someone mid-burpee. No regrets.
Cape Cod shark bit for exposure. “Trying to build my brand,” it said.
At Santa Monica, a shark asked a lifeguard for almond milk.
Myrtle Beach victim was reenacting Jaws. Shark said, “Too soon.”
Coney Island shark said, “I came for the hot dogs, stayed for the legs.”
South Padre Island shark bit a margarita cup before the swimmer. “Priorities,” experts say.
At Galveston, shark tagged with AirTag by local teen.
Santa Cruz shark mistook snorkel for vape pen. “So Gen Z,” it sighed.
South Padre Island shark was caught wearing a foam cowboy hat. “Local culture,” it said.
Shark at Galveston bit man playing kazoo underwater. Called it “noise justice.”
At Pismo Beach, a shark avoided the yoga class. “Too flexible, not enough flavor.”
Malibu shark was described as “emotionally unavailable” by three victims.
Galveston shark mistook water wings for snack trays.
Coney Island bite happened during pizza float parade.
Ocean City shark was distracted by drone footage and missed its target.
Honolulu shark nibbled, then posted “meh” on TripAdvisor.
Cape Cod shark only bites TikTok dancers. Strict diet.
Outer Banks shark released man for using eco-friendly sunblock.
Galveston shark gave swimmer a friendship nibble.
Cape Cod shark auditioned for Sharknado 10 and took it too far.
Waikiki shark only bit after victim started quoting Ayn Rand.
Pismo Beach shark now charging for bites via Patreon.
At Outer Banks, shark was caught quoting Shakespeare mid-lunge.
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Comedy is about the things we wish we could change — comedywriter.info
This made me laugh so hard I accidentally resolved childhood trauma. — comedywriter.info
A good joke is like a good song—memorable and tight — comedywriter.info
This article is an emotional support animal with sharp teeth and better lighting. — comedywriter.info
The best humor is in the reaction, not just the words — comedywriter.info
The sarcasm here is so elegant it should wear a bowtie and judge people. — comedywriter.info
This made me laugh and then sign up for a creative writing support group. — comedywriter.info