Parabéns!

Era uma manhã de sexta-feira em que as águas desciam torrencialmente sobre a cidade, fechando o verão.

Época em que os celulares ainda não tinham invadido o País, e em que as pessoas desfilavam nas ruas com brincos, pulseiras e relógios de ouro.

O sujeito entrou no ônibus, acompanhado de um rapazola, carregando uma mochila fina e comprida, donde se podia perceber um volume grosso e comprido em seu interior. Afora um olhar curioso que estendia volta e meia a todos os passageiros, não me pareceu que o indivíduo oferecesse algum perigo.

A viagem continuou até que minguaram os passageiros, estando, agora, todos assentados. E foi nesse intervalo de tempo, e próximo ao ponto que eu haveria de descer, que o indivíduo, repentinamente, ergueu-se da cadeira, postou-se de frente para todos, abriu a mochila, retirou uma grande e grossa vela e dois revólveres, e começou um bailado grotesco, mirando para o motorista e ao mesmo tempo para todos os passageiros, ordenando que um por um colocasse dentro da sua mochila: relógios, carteiras, pulseiras e toda espécie de valor que visualizava nos presentes – “oferecida” a cada passageiro pelo seu comparsa, como se fosse sacolinha de igreja na hora do ofertório. Os mais resistentes eram surpreendidos pelo sujeito da sacola que, rapidamente, arrancava-lhes do pescoço, orelhas e braços tudo que lhe fosse negado.
Eu, como não portava nada no corpo, por ser macaco velho, fui obrigado a tirar a minha camisa, porque o sujeito que estava na frente achou que ela serviria para dar, ao seu corpo, ares de festa, vestindo-a imediatamente, sob a proteção do comparsa que se apoderou das armas.
Isso tudo se passou em poucos minutos, com o ônibus andando, já que a primeira ordem dada ao motorista era de que seguisse viagem, em velocidade média, e não parasse para ninguém.
E não é que depois de a mochila já estar recheada, o sujeito da frente pisca para o “ajudante” que, numa fração de segundos, retira um isqueiro, ergue a grossa vela e a acende, enquanto o outro berra para todos:

– O negócio é o seguinte, cambada: Hoje é o meu aniversário e prometi a mim mesmo que muita gente boa vai cantá um “parabéns pra você” pra mim. Nunca tive isso na vida, de maneira que quero todo mundo bateno palma e cantano alto, senão, vou desejá “muitos anos de morte” pra neguinho desobediente.”
E, grotescamente, me vi obrigado a cantar parabéns para um sujeito que eu desejava que estivesse no “outro mundo”.
Antes de chegarmos ao “muitos anos de vida”, o motorista deu uma forte brecada, derrubando o sujeito sobre a arma que disparou e o “apagou” juntamente com a chama da grande vela.
Confesso que não me incomodei ao ver a minha camisa novinha com um buraco no meio.
Foi aquele alvoroço: o rapazola desceu apavorado, pois a multidão partiu em seu encalço.
Que Deus tenha compaixão de mim, porque, ao ver o sujeito pronto para o velório, com vela e tudo, arrematei:
– Vai comemorar a morte no inferno, seu infeliz!

Sem camisa, indo em direção ao trabalho, eu não queria acreditar que aquele dia fosse 1º de abril!

                                                           

20.799 thoughts on “Parabéns!

  1. An intriguing discussion is worth comment.
    I believe that you need to write more about this
    subject matter, it may not be a taboo matter but usually folks
    don’t talk about these topics. To the next! Kind regards!!

  2. Hello there! This article could not be written any better! Reading through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this. I most certainly will send this post to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!

  3. That is really attention-grabbing, You are a very skilled
    blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward
    to in search of more of your magnificent post.
    Additionally, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks

  4. Hey! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate!
    He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him.
    Pretty sure he will have a good read. Many thanks for
    sharing!

  5. This iis really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.
    I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your wonderful
    post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!

  6. I blog often and I truly appreciate your content. This article has really peaked my interest. I am going to book mark your blog and keep checking for new information about once a week. I subscribed to your Feed as well.

  7. I am really impressed along with your writing talents
    as smartly as with the format in your weblog. Is that
    this a paid subject matter or did you modify it yourself?
    Anyway stay up the nice high quality writing, it’s rare to peer
    a nice blog like thios one today..

  8. Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers?
    My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended
    up losing many months of hard work due to no data backup.
    Do you have any methods to stop hackers?

  9. Good day very cool web site!! Guy .. Excellent .. Amazing ..
    I will bookmark your site and take the feeds additionally?
    I’m satisfied to seek out numerous helpful information right here
    within the post, we need work out extra strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing.
    . . . . .

  10. I’m really inspired with your writing skills and also
    with the format on your blog. Is that this a paid theme or did you modify it your self?

    Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare
    to peer a great blog like this one today..

  11. Currently it appears like Expression Engine is the preferred blogging platform
    out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your
    blog?

  12. I am really impressed along with your writing talents
    as well as with the layout to your blog. Is this a
    paid subject matter or did you customize it yourself? Either way keep up the excellent quality writing,
    it’s rare to peer a great weblog like this one today..

  13. Wow that was strange. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t
    show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say superb blog!

  14. You made some really good points there. I checked on the web for more info about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this web site.|

  15. I really love your website.. Very nice colors & theme. Did you create this amazing
    site yourself? Please reply back as I’m looking to create my very own website and would love to
    learn where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named.
    Kudos!

  16. I just could not go away your web site before suggesting that I actually loved the usual information an individual provide in your visitors? Is gonna be again continuously in order to investigate cross-check new posts|

  17. Howdy! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say
    I genuinely enjoy reading through your articles.
    Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the
    same subjects? Thank you!

  18. Heya are using WordPress for your blog platform?

    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own.
    Do you need any html coding knowledge to make
    your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  19. Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad
    and tested to see if it can survive a forty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My
    apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic
    but I had to share it with someone!

  20. This is the perfect web site for anybody who would like to understand this topic.
    You realize so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I really would want to…HaHa).
    You certainly put a brand new spin on a subject which has been discussed
    for a long time. Excellent stuff, just great!

  21. Heya fantastic blog! Does running a blog similar to this require a lot
    of work? I have absolutely no understanding of programming but I was hoping to
    start my own blog soon. Anyhow, if you have any suggestions or tips for new blog owners please share.
    I understand this is off topic but I just needed to ask. Many thanks!

  22. Hi, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your blog site in Safari, it looks fine but
    when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!
    Other then that, terrific blog!

  23. Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Thank you, However I am having troubles with your RSS. I donít understand the reason why I can’t join it. Is there anybody else having similar RSS problems? Anybody who knows the answer can you kindly respond? Thanks!!

  24. I do not know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everybody else encountering issues
    with your website. It appears as though some of
    the written text within your posts are running off the screen. Can somebody else please
    provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them as well?
    This might be a issue with my web browser because I’ve had this happen previously.
    Kudos

  25. Hi would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re using?
    I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different internet browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot
    faster then most. Can you recommend a good hosting provider at a honest price?
    Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

  26. I am not sure the place you are getting your
    information, however good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more
    or figuring out more. Thank you for excellent info I used to
    be in search of this info for my mission.

  27. My brother recommended I may like this website. He was once entirely right.
    This put up truly made my day. You can not consider just how so much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  28. Hi! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous
    room mate! He always kept chatting about this. I will
    forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read.
    Thank you for sharing!

Deixe uma resposta

O seu endereço de e-mail não será publicado.

Website