O ônibus nosso de cada dia!

Não sou de burlar regras, tampouco, dado a mudá-las. Como cidadão pacato, trabalhador e cumpridor dos meus deveres para com a sociedade e a nação, vou traçando o meu destino, conforme Deus, a política e a vida me permitem. Pai de dois filhos: dois e seis anos, me aportei nesta cidade há cerca de dois meses. Paulista de nascimento, carioca por muito tempo, estou aos poucos me tornando mineiro por comedimento, embora ainda não consiga assimilar por que “mineiro trabalha quieto”. Prova disso são os incontáveis protestos que ando fazendo e nada de ver os resultados.
Como habitante desta metrópole, frequentemente, me torno passageiro dos ônibus e levo a bordo duas crianças e uma sacola com os seus pertences. Creio ser desnecessário explicar a dependência de um adulto para acompanhá-las num coletivo, haja vista que, em horário de pico, somos como formigas em torrão de açúcar: literalmente empurrados e pendurados. Como ditam as regras e o bom costume, entro pela porta da frente trazendo ao colo o caçula, e na outra mão equilibro o maiorzinho e a sacola. O ônibus se mantém estagnado apenas quando alcanço os seus degraus. Já no seu interior, o motorista dá a partida. E é aí que começa a minha aventura de escalada, pois para alcançar a porta de saída é a um verdadeiro alpinismo que me lanço, uma vez que sou obrigado a equilibrar o corpo sustentando a criança no colo e amparando a outra, enquanto os solavancos do ônibus e a compressão das pessoas ensaiam me levar ao solo. Nunca fui equilibrista circense, se bem que sempre o admirava estático nos circos, mas com a experiência e a proteção de Deus tenho conseguido manter a pose evitando acidentes. Há que levar em conta que não sou nenhum garotinho e, realmente, levantamento de peso em prancha de surf não é o meu esporte favorito e, foi por isso que, numa tarde de “rush”, com as duas crianças no colo (o maior indisposto, adormecia) concluí que deveria descer pela porta da frente após pagar a passagem, Qual não foi a minha surpresa quando o motorista determinou que eu só poderia descer pela porta de trás. Questionei-lhe o motivo. Ele foi enfático:
_ Normas, são normas. Não leu o painel?
Ah! Se já tinha lido! E muitas vezes. Tentei lhe explicar que se tratava de uma exceção. Com duas crianças no colo e mais a sacola, seria humanamente impossível atravessar a roleta. Mas o homem mantinha-se irredutível:
_ A norma é essa: “somente poderá descer pela porta de entrada as gestantes, os obesos e os idosos”.
E eu não me enquadrava em nenhuma dessas. Tentei controlar o peso e os nervos e arrematei:
            _ Tudo bem. Não me enquadro, embora ache que nem precisava. Está na sua frente a minha necessidade. Agora, já que é necessária uma “prerrogativa”, digamos que eu possa ser considerado obeso, afinal tenho além do meu peso, 29 kg, argumentei.
_ Ah! Não é a mesma coisa, disse ele.
_ Realmente, não é, emendei. É bem pior, pois o obeso consegue se equilibrar melhor do que eu.
O homem não cedeu e tive de me lançar à aventura de atravessar o “corredor da sorte”. E isso se sucede todos os dias e fico me perguntando quais os critérios para se definir um obeso, uma gestante e um idoso. Tem idoso que não se permite ser idoso, pois é mais ágil que um mocinho, é atleta e não vê dificuldades em atravessar a roleta. Em contrapartida, tem mulher que se descobre grávida um dia após o atraso menstrual e já quer fazer uso do direito, seja nos ônibus, nas filas de bancos… E tem aquela senhora que nem chegou à casa dos 50, mas a sua debilidade física é tamanha que mal se sustenta em pé. Finalmente, o que é um obeso? É aquele que apresenta 100 gramas acima do peso estimado?
Fico pensando cá com os meus botões: seria a donzela grávida de um mês impedida de atravessar a roleta? E a senhora de 50, seria barrada? E o idoso? Conduzido à porta da frente? E como fica o “obeso” que só tem 1 quilo a mais do peso considerado normal? E se esse pessoal fosse parente do motorista, do cobrador ou pessoa “ilustre”? Na certa, prevaleceria a máxima: “Irmão de barqueiro não paga passagem”.
Coisas de mineiro?
De brasileiro!

                        

100 thoughts on “O ônibus nosso de cada dia!

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